Re entry blues

I have been living back in my home town for nearly 4 months, after 7 years away. When people say to me, “You must be enjoying being home”, I don’t have a quick answer.

It is not an easy process, returning home. Things are “same same, but different”. Of course, I love spending time with my family and friends. But, their lives have moved on without me. Re-finding my space has been a struggle. And one that it is not easy to articulate.

Financially, the return is a disaster. I was really lucky and got work straight away, but I still can’t afford to find my own place to live. I am driving a borrowed car and living with my mother.

Stupid inanimate object have caused melt downs: spiralisers, multi level car parks and owning a key ring have all resulted in tears. I have to remind myself not to throw toilet paper in the toilet. I am still uncomfortable buying fruit and vegetables in supermarkets. And how much CRAP do people own?

I have noticed a few new things in my home town. The most shocking is how many more homeless people there are now. The poverty is much more obvious and depressing. On a personal level, why the hell does everything close so early? And what is with this bloody traffic?

Leaving home is hard. I maintain that returning is just as hard.


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