The Far East vs The Near East

A personal, highly opinionated comparison between 3 islands I have lived on recently. Categorized in no order of importance. Feel free to vent your spleen!


The Far East – Singapore:


SG prides itself on being a foodies delight. Only, they don’t have any national dishes, just stuff borrowed from Malaysia, China and India.

People are obsessive about it – they will drive an hour to get the best pratha – foregoing 1,000 other pratha shops on the journey.

It can be really cheap to eat on the streets if you love fried everything.

They do have however, the best Indian food outside India.

I miss the Banana Leaf.

The Far East – Phuket, Thailand

No filter, just g&t’s

Thai food is world famous. I loved it. And then I ate it every day. Now, I don’t love it so much.

The Near East, Cyprus (North)

Girne at night

People told me if you don’t eat meat, life is a bit difficult in Kebap land. I don’t and it is.

I miss $4 meals.



Banker Wankers and Earth Rapists (i.e. oil and gas workers).

I have nothing in common with these people.


Old whore fuckers and young whore fuckers. Sexual racists. None of whom are interested in a middle aged white girl.

I have nothing in common with these people.


There are men everywhere. Literally, everywhere. In fact, where are the women?



I was lucky enough to meet a bunch of marvelous women.


Thanks to work and I always had great women around.


Where are all the girls?

I miss girls.



Taxed and expensive, hard to, therefore, buy a decent bottle without selling your mother.


400% tax. They serve this shit “wine” Mont Clair everywhere, it was so undrinkable, it almost made me give it up entirely.

If you paid for it, decent wine was possible from selected outlets. Mum is still endangered. It is cheaper to drink gin.


In such proximity to great wine regions, there is no reason to serve me anything other than great wine. But, still they try.

I miss Cental Otago Pinot Noir.


SG: Singlish

Phuket: Tinglish

Cyprus: Turkish



Public transport is well thought out, works and is on time. Of course.


I learnt to drive a motorbike here and loved it. Eventually. Read about my learning the ancient art of “bracceleration” here.



I have a car! It’s a revelation!! I can go anywhere – but not over 65 kms because the wheel alignment is so shit that the wheels feel like they might fall off.

I never thought something so crap could make me so happy



Occassional international DJ’s spinning.

Formula One brings big names. Like super big.

No local bands except WICKED AURA worth anything, which is weird since everyone learns an instrument at school.

I miss struggling artists.


Job2do. A modern incantation of the Lion from The Wizard of Oz and a catchy as tooon.

Do do do do ta tum….listen!


Elvis impersonator

Rhianna impersonator

Bob Marley impersonator

You hearing what I’m playin’?’s just my opinion


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